i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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