Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
