Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Help. Why am I so naked?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
