Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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