Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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