Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
