well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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