I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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