6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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