My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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