i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
