can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize