life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
