yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she pinky promised me she was 18
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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