that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
