Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
its liver damage thursday
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
