I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
