there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
