Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
