Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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