New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did i walk over a car last night?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
