so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize