The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
