Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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