Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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