Im at strip club and am horny
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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