I need help removing her.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
