I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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