one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
