apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
