If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
