you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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