He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
