there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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