I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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