He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
