I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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