a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
