I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
