I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
someone owes me an orgasm
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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