Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
