So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
