She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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