Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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