who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
