i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
