there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
