I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
