I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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