This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
