If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
