Non-Jews are for practice
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
