it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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