is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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