I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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