you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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