Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
