so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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