If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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