Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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