Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
