If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
