Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize