I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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