why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
