i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
