I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
