I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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