Soap is not a condiment
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
