Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
