At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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