i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
