Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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