Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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