If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
