he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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