how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
