U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
