my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
