i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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