If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
